payback

Last night I was at a wake for my grandfather at a sportsbar in Issaquah. One of his fishing buddies is the owner and put on a huge bash for the family, it was a great event. Just before I was starting to gather my things to leave I had a conversation with a man named Jason.
Jason is my ex step mothers (Beth, who is also my younger half brothers mom) current husband. I've known Jason for 16 years, ever since he and Beth first met and started dating.

One day, 16 years ago, I was at Beths house hanging out with my younger brother (I had my son with me who was less than a year old, which is the only reason I know how long ago it was). At the time I was severely addicted to heroin and it was about the time of day that I had to start figuring out how I was going to get money and score drugs, it was time to get my hustle on. As my mind was slicing and dicing my options for whatever shifty business would be in order to meet my needs, I decided to go to the bathroom. My last moment of rest before I was going to have to get the wheels turning on this endeavor.

As I was walking down the hall to go to the bathroom I was able to glance into Beths bedroom and see Jasons pants hanging over a chair. There was a beautiful wad of cash just peeking out of his jeans pocket. The money was basically screaming, "COME GET ME". It was just a few feet away, and everyone was out swimming in the pool so the house was empty. I scurried in her room, snatched the money, skipped the bathroom, said our goodbyes and was out the door in seconds flat.

11 years ago when I got sober, my family welcomed me back with open arms. There has never been any talk of my transgressions unless I brought them up. Neither Jason or Beth have ever spoken of the incident that day, but I thought deep down they had to know what had really happened. A few years ago I remembered this incident, and being a good AA have had every intention of making amends to Jason and pay him back. Every time there was an event when I knew I would see Jason I never had any cash on me, I always told myself I would swing by the ATM to get the money on my way and I just never did.

I had gotten a bunch of cash for my son to pay some school fees and get a student ID card and he decided not to do it on Friday, so I had a big wad of cash in my purse when I went to the event last night. Just as I was starting to think about leaving, Jason got there and came over and hugged me and said hello like usual. He told me about how he just lost 50 lbs in three months and we were in the midst of having a very interesting conversation when I heard a loud voice in my head scream "GIVE HIM THE MONEY". He started to walk away while I was reaching in my purse to grab the money. Just as I pulled my hand out of my purse, I grabbed his arm. As he turned to look at me I felt a huge wave of energy wash over my body, I felt calm and peaceful and happy and confident. I told Jason the story of how I stole the money and that I was strung out at the time I did it and that I was sorry. He resisted and didn't want to take the money so I just shoved it in his pocket. He said he appreciated the apology and respected what I was doing, but really didn't need the money. I said "Jason, if you don't take this money I might not stay sober!!" We both laughed and he hugged me and just stared at me smiling as I gathered my stuff and said my goodbyes.