WTF

Im hating my life right now. Ugh. This will be a total pity party but I'm just not able to talk myself out of feeling this today. I can't get to a place of gratitude right now. All I feel is anger and irritation and the urge to scream and throw a huge tantrum. I'm not even sure why.

The other night I busted out a bunch of old pictures to scan and I started feeling sort of...melancholy..or something. Seeing pictures of a certain time in my sons life made me really sad. He was so cute and innocent and I wasnt. I don't know what I could have done differently and it's pretty ridiculous to even think about it because clearly I did what I was capable of at the time. Thats all I could do. And I miss the little kid. Now hes big and grown up and doesnt need me. He also doesnt do anything I tell him to. He also leaves his fingernail clippings around the bathroom sink. I love him more than life itself.

A few other weird things have happened to me lately that have left me feeling...WEIRD....

I wish I could break something or cry or get drunk. All three?

ideas..

i have some great ideas. i wish i was the type of person that could complete a project. i feel like i have two really good movie ideas..based on some personal experiences...but i have no confidence i could undertake a project that big. ugh. maybe i can. ?? ive been writing a book for like four years...havent even looked at it for months. its part of the aries blessing. goddammitt.